A wealthy man was having an aff:air with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.
If she stayed in Italy he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed but wondered how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange postcard today.”
“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”
During a commercial airline flight, a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms.
When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.
The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, “Gosh, that’s a good-looking baby…and he sure was hungry!”
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said b.r.e.astfeeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.
The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true Sailor fashion, exclaimed, “And all these years I’ve been chewing gum.”
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said:
“Let’s talk, I am sure that flights are faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger,
“What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know”, said the stranger.
“How about n.u.clear power?” The girl asked.
“Ok,” he said “That could be an interesting topic!”
The girl continues: “But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
“The stranger thinks about it and says: “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies: “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know s.hit?”
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