My husband and I pulled up to the McDonald’s drive-thru window. I handed the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also gave her a quarter.
She said, “You gave me too much money.”
I replied, “Yes, but that way you can just give me a dollar back.”
She sighed, went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did, and he gave me back the 25 cents, saying, “Sorry, we don’t do that kind of thing.”
Then the cashier handed me 75 cents in change.
Don’t confuse McDonald’s employees, folks.
We had to get our garage door fixed. The repairman told us the problem was the motor wasn’t big enough.
I said, “We have the biggest one — a half-horsepower.”
He shook his head. “No, you need a quarter-horsepower.”
I said, “Half is bigger than a quarter.”
He replied, “Nooo, four is bigger than two.”
Yeah… we didn’t call him again.
Living in a semi-rural area, we recently got a new neighbor who called the city council to remove the Deer Crossing sign.
Reason? “Too many deer are getting hit by cars. It’s not a good crossing spot anymore.”
You can’t fix stupid.
My daughter went to a Mexican fast food place and ordered a taco with “minimal lettuce.”
The worker said, “Sorry, we only have iceberg lettuce.”
At the airport, an employee asked me, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”
I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”
He just smiled and said, “That’s why we ask.”
I was crossing the street with a coworker who asked what the beeping pedestrian signal meant.
I said, “It helps blind people know when it’s safe to cross.”
She gasped, “What are blind people doing driving?!”
She’s a government employee.
When my wife and I picked up our car from the dealership, they said the keys were locked inside.
We watched a mechanic trying to unlock the driver’s door. I tried the passenger door, and it was already unlocked.
I said, “It’s open!”
He said, “I know. I already did that side.”
Stay alert, friends — they walk among us and breed.
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband,
“Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up … ?” the woman asked her husband.
“No”, replied her husband.
She gave him a lingering, sensuous smile, and slowly unbuttoned the top four buttons of her blouse. She slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra . . . and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar note.
He took the crumpled twenty dollar note from her, and smiled approvingly.
“Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up … ?” she then asked her husband.
“Uh . . . no, I haven’t” he told her, with a slightly anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt and seductively retrieved a crumpled fifty dollar note.
He took the crumpled fifty dollar note, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
“Now” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No way” he exclaimed, while becoming even more breathless.
“Well, go look in the garage!” she replied.
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