An elderly couple had just snuggled into bed when the old man let out a loud fart and proudly announced, “Seven points for me!”
His wife, puzzled, turned over and asked, “What are you talking about?”
Grinning, he replied, “We’re playing fart football.”
Not one to back down from a challenge, his wife waited a moment, then let out an impressive fart of her own. “Touchdown! Tie game!” she declared with a smirk.
A few seconds later, the old man let out another one and triumphantly announced, “14 to 7! Back in the lead!”
Determined to keep up, his wife responded with another loud one, then quickly followed it with a squeaker. “Touchdown and a field goal! I’m ahead, 17 to 14!”
Feeling the pressure, the old man gave it his all, but things took an unexpected turn. With one big push, he went a little too far and accidentally pooped the bed.
His wife, wide-eyed, stared at him and asked, “What just happened?”
With a sigh, the old man admitted, “Guess it’s halftime… time to switch sides.”
It’s the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist for speeding.
While he’s writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably.
“Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren’t they?” says the motorist.
“Yeah,” says the patrolman, “if that’s what these are, you’re sure right. But I’ve never heard of a circle fly before. What’s that?”
“Well,” the motorist responds, “circle flies are a species of fly that are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle around a horse’s rear end. That’s why they call ’em circle flies.”
The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, “You don’t say. Well, that’s very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to call me a horse’s ass. You wouldn’t be making that kind of implication about an officer of the law, would you?”
“Oh, no sir!” responds the motorist. “No, sir, not at all. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of implying that one of them was a horse’s ass. No, sir, I’m terribly sorry if that’s how it sounded.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” replied the patrolman.
“Yeah,” the motorist continued, “but there’s just no fooling those circle flies, is there?”
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