Oce upon a royal morning, King Fancybritches decided he needed a break from the stress of running a kingdom—so naturally, he grabbed his favorite fishing rod and told the Queen, “Darling, we’re going fishing!” 
Before heading out, he called in Sir Forecast-a-Lot, the royal weather wizard (well, meteorologist, but wizard sounds cooler). “Tell me, O Sky Whisperer,” the King asked, “Will it rain today?”
Sir Forecast-a-Lot, after checking his scrolls and licking a finger in the wind, proudly declared: “Nay, Your Majesty! Not a single drop shall fall from the heavens for days!”
Confident, the King and Queen hopped into their royal carriage and trotted off.
But halfway to Lake Fancyfish, they passed Old Farmer Ned, riding a donkey named Kevin. Farmer Ned raised an eyebrow and said, “Your Majesty, if I were you, I’d turn that fancy ride around. Kevin’s ears are drooping. That means rain. Big rain. Biblical rain.”
The King, amused but polite, replied, “Thank you, peasant, but I trust my highly-paid, university-certified, top-tier weather man. Droopy donkey ears? Please. That’s not science.”
And off they went. Fifteen minutes later: BOOM!
The sky opened up like a drama queen with trust issues. Rain fell so hard the Queen’s wig tried to swim away. The royal robes turned into wet blankets, and even the royal ducks were like, “Yo, this is too much.”
The King and Queen returned to the palace looking like soggy towels from a medieval car wash. The royal entourage tried not to laugh. They failed.
Enraged, King Fancybritches fired Sir Forecast-a-Lot on the spot. “You’re out! Soaked and sacked!”
Then he summoned Farmer Ned and offered him the prestigious new role of Royal Weather Guru. 
But Farmer Ned shook his head and said, “Your Majesty, I ain’t no weatherman. I just look at Kevin. If his ears droop, it’s gonna rain. That donkey’s never wrong.”
The King, being a man of action (and now, mildew), hired Kevin the Donkey immediately.
And THAT, dear reader, is how the tradition of hiring asses into positions of power officially began… and continues to this very day.
The End. Or is it? 
A woman was driving with her husband when was pulled over by the police.
The woman was in a hurry and told the officer so.
“I understand ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”
The woman was beside herself. “That’s dis.crimination!” she shouted.
The officer explained calmly, “Ma’am, I meant the speed limit.”
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered: “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied: “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
The post Once upon a royal morning, King Fancybritches decided he needed a break from the stress of running a kingdom appeared first on Timeless Life.
